not the end.. maybe a begining?

Time for an update. the monday before turkey day i was rear ended.. friday after gma died... been dealing with doctors and insurance and everything. life is crazy, but whats new ???

i found a new home for my blog!

my new blog is located at:

http://beingmeforever.wordpress.com

I hope that you enjoy it as much as i do. i have pages dedicated to fibromyalgia, islam, domestic violence, child abuse and me!

i hope you will follow me over there!

funny how life turns out eh?

So Monday was an interesting one!

Monday morning I spend my normal time at DSHS, talk with some co workers, laugh, leave for my office, see clients... normal Monday.

Monday after work one of my coworkers says hey hun, have a good night, drive safe its getting wet! I said okay hun, you too, see ya in the morning. I then get in my car and head to Starbucks to get a peppermint mocha (YUM!).

On my way from Starbucks to the freeway to head home, I am following an SUV and see a white dog nearly get hit. Naturally I slow down. But... the dog came right in front of me and I hit it. I hear it yelp and then SMASH! I was rear ended. I wasn't going very fast the speed limit was 20 and about to change to 35 but the car behind me was not paying attention and was speeding up.

So not only did I hit a dog, I was hit. The kicker??? HA! I was right in front of work! Police came, Medics came... even the Sheriff and State Patrol and a fire truck. But no one asked how I was, they asked about the girl who hit me... and the people who owned the dog freaked out on me screaming and cussing at me for hitting their dog. ARE YOU KIDDING?! The car in front of me almost hit the dog first, and they called the dog back which made the dog turn around and run infront of me! ECH!

Anyways, get this... the car that hit me?? American Services Medicar. A medical transport vehicle! So now I am waiting on their insurance company to call me and get me a rental and money to get a new car, cause guess what.. mine is gone... no longer drivable... not worth fixing.

So in the mean time, Im on muscle relaxers and pain pills... and off work till probably Monday. UGH! This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my life!

What else am I thankful for this year? I am thankful that the USCIS finally sent a Notice of Action saying they finally received his AOS and Work Authorization Applications. They also have set his Biometrics appointment for 12/10 YAY!! FiNaLlY! its about time!

So, soon the hubby will have a job, I will have a new car and things will be on the right track once again.

Gma is still hanging in there. She has only been away for about 45 minutes today, and hasnt really gone to the bathroom since Sunday and hasnt eaten or drank anything since then either... Dad is guessing any day now. Sad... but at the same time I think it is a blessing. She will not be in any pain anymore!

The best memory with gma during this horrible time is that she asked me to shoo out her brother in law... hes been dead for about 20 years so she was in this world and knew me but asked me to shoo a guy out that I had never met. We also had a mock Turkey Day dinner with some family and friends, but she was so tired and sick she just couldn't do it. Inshallah it will be quick and mom will be okay (mom isnt dealing with this very well, I am sad for her).

So... that is the update! I hope you all have a fabulous Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?

Hurry up and wait game... continued

so... Monday I got a call saying hey you got the job...

Tuesday I was excited but was with gma and couldnt...

Wednesday I got a call saying, sorry you have been bumped...

State work sucks... just because some one has been in the department for a year longer then me... does not mean they should be able to take my job. But, I guess they were about to loose their job, so thats not really fair either...

I really wanted that job. But the hubby says maybe there is just too much going on for me right now to handle training for the new job... being the holidays and gma getting ready to pass and all. He said good things come to those who wait and those who wait right?

So... it is what it is... Better luck next time, EH?

Hurry up and wait, the game

It has now been 5 months since I applied for the position at Department of Corrections. Email after Email, phone call after phone call... day after day. I sit and wait. Each email gives me hope, but the long periods of time between bring me dispare. The latest 2 emails are as follows.

Monday following Halloween. " Hey, just wondering if you need anymore phone numbers, if all the checks came back, what can I do to help" (because the previous email said they were still waiting for some one to respond to their reference check and then of course my back ground check). Response "we have every thing, and we are talking about options, I have not forgotten about you :)" (yes there really was a smiley face).

So at this point I just kind of let it go, thinking that it will happen or not, either way they are close to picking. Then Yesterday... Omg Yesterday!!! Yesterday, I get an email at almost 5pm saying "Hey hun, we have not forgotten you. We want you to come and meet the hiring manager, and the rest of the staff on Friday for about 30 minutes or so. If that works, great be here Any time between 9-3 and please let me know. PS its safe to say you are in the final running! Ciao!" (yes hun and ciao were actually used)

So what was only suppose to be 10 days after the interview to decide who they were going to hire, we are still waiting. I so hate waiting, but in the back of my mind I keep hearing my mom's voice saying good things come to those who wait. So I am trying to wait as calmly as possible, which is proving to be a bit harder then I thought it would be.

But that is not where the hurry up and wait game ends. There is something else. Something SAD. My grandmother, who has been in and out of surgery since 1976 from brain tumors to bypass and everything in between, has decided that 1 year of dialysis is enough and she wants to go. Its hard to deal with, but docs said once dialysis has stopped, at best 3 weeks would be left. Well, she hasn't had a good dialysis session since before Halloween, but this call was made last Friday. So in reality, doctors say maybe 2 weeks. But on the other had she is having a really hard time breathing and is on morphine, so she could just fall asleep and not wake up at any time. She was in so much pain prior to stopping her treatments, but inshallah she will be comfortable from now on.

Hospice is there to help with pain management and passing. Mom and I are going to stay with her in her apartment and help feed her and bathe her and help her use the bathroom. She has lost all ability to move herself, and has almost lost the ability to move her arms. It saddens me to think she will be gone, but at the same time I know she will no longer be suffering.

So why is this part of the hurry up and wait? Cause we just sit and wait for her to pass, but do everything to help her until it happens. Some friends are saying miracles happen and she could be fine others are saying she will go to hell for stopping treatment as its like suicide... others are saying we should force her to have surgery (that she might not wake up from) in order to keep her alive longer... but really, what is best for her? She has been ill since 1976... more than 30 years! What does she have left? All we can do for her is pray that it happens painlessly and in her sleep.

So a bitter sweet week this has been so far. I have 1/2 of Thursday off and plan to sit with gma most of the day. I have all of Friday off and plan to meet with my potentially new employer then off to sit with gma again. Saturday I have to work (to make up for time I am missing, and to teach a class) and then Monday I work 1/2 day and have Tuesday off. My current boss said that should be all I need until the funeral. Which makes me sad and furious at the same time. But... what ever!

I am trying to take life one day at a time, not look to the future, not look to the past, but live for today and make it last!

Almost Halloween

This is my favorite time of year. Most of you don't know that Halloween is my most favorite day of the year as well. I also know that you guys probably don't know that I am a special effects make up artist. I love scary movies, especially if there are ZOMBIES!!!

So this is the 2nd year in a row that I have not worked for a haunted house doing make up. I feel kind of... well... lost! This is also the second year that I have not dressed up. I don't know what to be nor do I have the money for a costume this year. I do have some special effects makeup and some prosthetic scars and wounds I made a few years ago left... and tons of fake blood. So what to be, what to do, is it even allowed?

Every one tells me that my "art" is a gift... yet other people tell me I am sick and twisted. One person even told me I was going to hell because Allah surely would not give me such an ability. (if you want to see a picture of my work, visit me at www.myspace.com/stopchildabusenow and look through my pictures). And if you want to join me on facebook, email me at honeybeary1999@yahoo.com !

Anyways, moving on...

The next few days are going to be busy! Tonight is the VERY LAST practice for the Tbirds... Friday my son is going to a party, Saturday is HaLlOwEeN!!! Not exactly sure what is going on... has to be an early night so maybe we will head into town and let the kiddo and his friends go trick or treating in a neighborhood that we use to live in. There are a few things going on Sunday.

Sunday... Sunday marks 1 year of being married to my husband! The love of my life... he is the most amazing, compassionate, honorable, humble, sweet, kind... okay so I am getting off track, but you get the point he is AWESOME! But, we don't really have time or money to do anything to celebrate, and it kind of makes me sad that I can't do something special for him.

Sunday... yes there is more to Sunday! Sunday is my son's FiNaL gAmE! So far the Tbirds are UnDeFeAtEd! My son and his team mates have not lost a game yet! They are playing for 1st or 2nd for all the divisions in his age group! WoW!!! And by the looks of it, we might be getting 1st!!! YAY!

And in other news... I'm so bad at updating you all on whats going on... and I am so sorry! For those of you who are praying for this new job... Keep Praying!!! PLEASE!!!! I got an email yesterday morning saying that its down to me and one other person and they are waiting on background checks! I know I will pass mine, because I have a background check done every few months because of my job as an advocate, my contract with DSHS and CPS... and all the other community services contracts I am on. But I am so nervous! It has come down to me and some one else. Not only am I nervous, I know this other person must want this job as bad as I do, jobs are hard to find around here! I don't know anything about this other person, but I know the announcement for this job came out in June and was only out for a week. It is now ALMOST November! So if this person is still around they must want it bad. And then I get sad thinking about what might happen to this other person if I get the job over them!?

I know I should not think this way but, I have a job. One I can not stand, that takes me away from my family more then we all like... but I have one. What if this other person doesn't have one and they are counting on getting the job I want to survive? I have no idea why this is bugging me so much! So... pray I have peace of mind no matter what the choice is... and Pray I hear something soon!

Update

My little man... whose not so little anymore... has once again won another football game. We are in the play offs and this next game will decide if his team is in first position or second. So far we are # 1 in our division... but we are tied for #1 with 2 other divisions as well. Inshallah T-BIRDS will continue to be #1!

My son's insulin pump is also doing really well. His blood sugar levels are starting to even out and it makes me so happy when he can EAT numerous times and just enter the carbs he is eating with out pulling out a needle!

My interview was last week and I think it went very well. Its for the Department of Corrections in the Health Office as an Office Assistant 3 full time Monday- Friday 6am-230pm. It would be so perfect!!!! I would be able to pick up my son from school, help him with his home work, take him to football, make dinner for the family (hubby currently cooks) and I would even be able to make all doctor's appointments for myself and my son during times I can actually be there (right now my mom and dad and husband all take turns and I occasionally get to take him). So this is how it started. I applied on line. About a month later I get the first email that asks me several questions. About a month later I get another email that asks me several more questions. Then a few weeks later, I ask whats going on and how long it will take and such and I get an email back saying the position was filled. My heart sunk! Two days later, another email with more questions. So I reply with my answers and a hey I thought it was filled whats up kinda thing. The next day I get an email with my interview day and time. So it was originally supposed to be on 10/6 but the kiddo had an appointment. Then it was going to be on the 7th, but there was an emergency at their office... so... finally on the 14th I had my interview.

IT WAS AMAZING! 10 more questions (took all of 10 minutes) and then they said you were in our top 5, and at the top of the list (he turned to look at the other person there and said oh, I wasn't suppose to say that ... under his breath) and then asked me to brag about myself. BRAG??? UGH!!! I hate bragging. I tried... but couldn't. Then we talked for about 30 minutes about the deer that like to attack outside, if you do not walk out with out some crackers. And how this is the last stop for the prisoners before they are released into the community and great some of them are doing and then we talked about my current job... and then more about the deer... alot more about the deer to which some how lead into me growing up on a farm and then we talked about goats. IDK, it was an interesting interview.

So, what is next in the process. Well, over the weekend they were suppose to do back ground checks on every one and those results should have been back today. After that, the manager was going to take the interview/application packages for each of us home and review everything and choose the top two. And then reference checks.... and hopefully a call by Friday. It's only Monday... UGH!!! ITS ONLY MONDAY!

So please PLEASE please my sisters make a dua for me and my family that I get this job! It would be so awesome, would allow me to spend more time with my family, give my family more money to be able to move out of our 5th wheel and maybe buy a house, and best of all my husband would be covered under the insurance (right now if I wanted him on my insurance it would cost $500 a month and we just don't have that kind of money).

So, that is the update! I will keep you posted!

LOVES HUGS AND SMOOCHES
~A~

Hello my friends!

I know it has been a while, but life is crazy!

My son finally has his insulin pump and we had to spend 3 days at his endo's office about an hour drive to and from. The pump isnt working as well as we wanted, mainly because my son is to skinny. Apparently you have to be able to pinch about an inch of fat in order for the pump to be able to push the insulin through the cath. and into the kiddo. Well, almost every day we have changed his insertion site because the insulin cant get into him because the cath. is pushing agains his mucsle wall. UGH! This was suppose to be easier! Still feel blessed though... jsut a little tired as we have been testing every 2 hours to make sure his blood sugar doesnt go too low (which could put him in a diabetic coma).

My son is also playing football and we are the division champions! UNDEFEATED!!!! Now on to the play offs!

In other news, I am going to an interview on Wednesday for the Department of Corrections and to be honest with you I am so excited. Now I know it is just an interview... but I really really hope that I get it. I need as many duas as possible. This job would be closer to home and would allow my family to have benifits, not to mention would be more money (and more accepting of me being muslimah and my hijab.... and to top that no more sex talks at work because it is a State Agency!)

What else is going on??? Nothing! My life is football and work right now. I was expecting football to be over by now, but because we are undefeated football will continue into November. So as soon as football is over, I will be on more often! PROMISE!

~A~